Teenagers and Cats

For all of you with teenagers or who have had teenagers, you may want to know

what they have in common with cats:

1. Neither teenagers nor cats turn their heads when you call them by name.

2. No matter what you do for them, it is not enough. Indeed, all humane efforts

are barely adequate to compensate for the privilege of waiting on them hand and

foot.

3. You rarely see a cat walking outside of the house with an adult human being,

and it can be safely said that no teenager in his or her right mind wants to be

seen in public with his or her parents.

4. Even if you tell jokes as well as Jay Leno, neither your cat nor your teen will

ever crack a smile.

5. No cat or teenager shares you taste in music.

6. Cats and teenagers can lie on the living-room sofa for hours on end without

moving, barely breathing.

7. Cats have nine lives. Teenagers carry on as if they did.

8. Cats and teenagers yawn in exactly the same manner, communicating that

ultimate human ecstasy -- a sense of complete and utter boredom.

9. Cats and teenagers do not improve anyone's furniture.

10. Cats that are free to roam outside sometimes have been known to return in

the middle of the night to deposit a dead animal in your bedroom. Teenagers are

not above that sort of behavior.

Thus, if you must raise teenagers, the best sources of advice are not other

parents, but veterinarians. It is also a good idea to keep a guidebook on cats at

hand at all times. And remember, above all else, put out the food and do not

make any sudden moves in their direction. When they make up their minds, they

will finally come to you for some affection and comfort, and it will be a triumphant

moment for all concerned.